I like to say my life began in December of 2012. When I was 14 years old, I was diagnosed with depression. I remember my mom thinking it was “just a phase”, but I knew something was wrong. From that point on, nothing was ever quite right. I struggled through high school; I hated being in class, so I’d hop on a bus headed toward the mall or the beach. This led to missing assignments, failed tests and frustrated parents. I got a diploma (barely) in July of 2007 from an independent study program. Like a lot of teenagers, I had no idea what I wanted to do after graduation. I spent the next five years of my life trying to figure it out. I was all over the place! I went from photography, to psychology, to wanting to teach.. And then the cycle started all over again. I had moved around a few times, all impulsive ideas, never leading to anything permanent.
Through all the changes, I realized what I was looking for was happiness, but it was always just quite out of reach. April of 2011 was when I hit my absolute lowest point. At the time, I was drinking excessively, and in April, received a well-deserved DUI. It was a bit of a wake-up call. I was depressed, anxious about everything, and generally un-happy with my life. I decided something needed to change.
For those of you who don’t know, depression takes a lot out of you, physically and emotionally. (I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.) It’s hard to find the motivation to do even the things you want to do, let alone the things you need to do. I somehow managed to find that motivation. Fighting mood swings and anxiety, (which isn’t easy) I searched for help. I had been on different medications over the years, and they weren’t really making me feel any better. So I scratched that off the list. I saw therapists, tried different types of therapy, read self-help books, tried natural remedies like vitamins, diet and exercise; you name it, I gave it a shot. I found a few things that helped, but nothing was helping enough.
That all changed in December of 2012.
My mom, who has always been a great friend and huge support system for me, found Brainstate Technologies. (She was referred from a good family friend.) I personally have a hard time explaining what it is, so before I go any further with my story, here are a few lines from the website; www.BrainstateTech.com
“Our non-invasive, non-drug modality helps the brain to relax and self-optimize, to achieve the balance and harmony necessary for clarity of thinking, creativity and performance. Pain, stress, sleeplessness, chronic sadness, and learning difficulties have all been associated with unbalanced and disharmonious brainwave patterns.”
“This process is an effective, holistic and non-invasive method of achieving greater brain balance and harmony. Improving brain function has shown to help with injuries, disorders, stress, pain, anxiety, sleeplessness, addictive dependencies, challenges to learning and performance.
Brainstate Technologies saved my life. No, I was never suicidal. But if I’m being honest with myself, and everyone else, whatever I was doing before it, wasn’t living. I was so depressed I couldn’t get out of bed most days. So anxious about life, that on days I could get out of bed, I had a hard time doing things like, sitting in traffic, waiting in line at the post office, or going to WalMart on a Sunday. (There were just too many damn people for me.) I had no direction. No passion. Things that I once loved to do, I had no interest in. I was absolutely no fun to be around. (Ask my friends and family!) It was awful. That wasn’t a life at all. Brainstate changed all that. After one day of treatment, I slept through the night – something I hadn’t done in a very long time. I was no longer jittery. My mom drove me to treatment the next day, and I had no problem sitting in morning traffic, something that was once so difficult for me. I saw results so small in just a matter of 24 hours, and it blew my mind.
Treatment was 5 days long, a total of 20 hours. I was warned that the first few weeks after, you might actually feel a little bit worse. I was told not to be afraid to cry and let my emotions out, which was never a problem for me anyway. But sure enough, the first three weeks after treatment, I cried more than I had cried about anything. The tears came on randomly, when I found myself suddenly thinking about things I had not thought about in YEARS. I cried, and cried, and cried. And then suddenly, the tears were gone. Out of nowhere, I was on cloud nine. My family noticed the difference, as well as my friends. My mom actually told me that she felt as if she was meeting an entirely different person. I was sleeping through the night, hanging out with friends again, spending quality time with my family, and generally, seeing the good in life for the first time ever.
I have a very hard time putting my emotions into words. It’s so hard to describe to people exactly how good I feel since receiving this treatment. There are literally no words. Since then, something strange happens to me from time to time… I’ll be minding my own business, riding the bus (back when I didn’t have a car) or driving down the street, when out of nowhere, I am so incredibly happy I actually start to cry. (I’ll admit, I’m tearing up just writing this.)
Now please don’t get me wrong; I still have bad days from time to time. Everyone has bad days. But there is absolutely a difference between depression and just having a bad day. There are days when I feel sad, but there is a difference between depression and feeling sad. I still deal with a little bit of anxiety, but it is now something I can fight back against. It’s nowhere near the level it was prior to Brainstate. I have no problem getting out of bed in the morning. I am passionate about things again; photography, off-roading, social media, my friends and family.
My life began in December of 2012.
If you would like to talk with me about any of this, please feel free to send me an email. I am always willing to talk to someone who is in pain, in the hopes of helping just a little bit.