Day 24 of Blogtober14! I can’t believe it’s almost over.. Today’s prompt is to write about your favorite beauty product. Well folks, I don’t have one. I’m not much of a beauty product type of girl, really. I have make up, but very little. I also don’t really use hair products or anything like that. Truth is, I could live without them. There is one thing kind of beauty related that I know I would go crazy without; CHAPSTICK. I currently have three of them in my purse – Raspberry crème, Green apple, and Citrus Jelly Bean. (It just smells like orange.) Truth be told, I tried to take an artistic photo of them, but when I loaded them onto the computer, they were blurry. (I seriously thing there’s something wrong with my camera) And I didn’t have the patience to do it all over again. It wouldn’t have been that difficult, but let’s be real – I’m lazy.
I’m also the weirdo that gets excited about seasonal Chapstick, like these ones.
So – there’s my Blogtober14 day 24 post. Super exciting, huh? Nope. I know. Super lame. And because it was super lame, I am going to write about something that I should have posted back on day 18. Day 18 I was supposed to share a secret about myself. The night before, I wrote out something pretty long, but the next morning decided it was too personal and that I probably shouldn’t post it. After writing about my biggest fear on day 20, I’ve decided I need to get over my issues and just hit publish. I hope this next part doesn’t bore you to death.
I don’t believe in regret. If you take the time to talk to me about things deeper than Jeeps, alcohol and baseball, you’d quickly find this out. I’ve done a lot of stupid stuff in my short adult life.. When I was 19, I marred a man I had only known for two months. I’ve dated guys who were obviously not right for me, stayed in relationships I knew weren’t going to last, and even earned myself a big, fat, expensive, pain in the ass DUI. But I don’t regret any of those things. I never have. Even going into something I knew probably wasn’t the best idea, I knew that after all was said and done, there was going to be something to learn.. Some kind of lesson or bigger picture. I don’t believe in regret.
My secret: When I’m having a particularly bad day, there is one thing I start to regret, before I remind myself of all the reasons why I don’t regret it. I’ll try and keep this story short, but the truth is, there’s a lot that goes into it. A lot that people don’t understand.. Hell, there’s still some things I don’t understand about it. But in the summer of 2010, I fell in love with a man who lived in Hastings, Nebraska. We met online earlier in the year, talked for months, and that summer I bought a one way bus ticket to Nebraska. Yes, you read that right. I took a Greyhound bus to Nebraska. I spent 2 weeks with him before making the decision to move.
Now, before you go assuming I’m some crazy, irrational woman making snap decisions, let me explain something here. This wasn’t a snap decision. Moving out of state had been something I had thought of doing for a few years, but never had a reason to do it. I knew I couldn’t let a man be the ONLY reason I moved halfway across the United States. So I looked into the community college in Hastings, and loved it too. The plan was to move there in September.. Move in with DJ, get a job, and start taking classes. DJ flew out to California, helped me pack up my tiny little truck, and we drove back to Nebraska together. I wasn’t there more than a week before I decided I was unhappy and wanted to come back home. And I did. At this point in my life, my depression was VERY bad. (Not only was I already suffering from depression, but I started taking a birth control that had depression listed as a side effect.. It was not good.) I knew that I was in a bad place, had probably rushed into moving, and knew that I wouldn’t be happy or able to find help so far away from my home and support system. My parents, being as awesome as they are, supported me in coming right back home.
DJ and I tried to make things work, but ultimately, they didn’t. I’ve been in love a few times, and years later, I’m always able to look back and realize it wasn’t really love. Not with this one, though. Even now, 4 years later, I still believe that was love. I don’t believe in regret but on a particularly bad day, I regret ever walking away from Hastings. Some days I hate myself for doing it, and wonder what things would be like if I hadn’t. But then I get my head back on straight and remind myself what wouldn’t have happened if I had stayed. Two years after coming back home, after failed therapy sessions and reading through God knows how many self help books, I finally found Brainstate. If I had stayed in Nebraska, I might not have found Brainstate. Who knows, right?
That’s my secret. Nothing big or embarrassing, just something I struggle with from time to time.
Only a week left of Blogtober14. Kinda makes me sad. Tomorrow I’ll talk about my favorite book!
PS: Sorry there’s no photos. I had photos from my time in Nebraska, but I apparently deleted them. Which is strange, because I never delete photos.
PPS: If you’re not already, make sure you’re following me on social media! I’m all over Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram!
PPPS: I’ve never known what PS stood for, so I decided to look it up. It means post script. There’s meanings for PPS and PPPS, too. Click here to find out. (Ya know, if you’re a dork like I am.)